I’m amazed no-one else has figured out the real reason that Alberto Gonzales has been nominated for US Attorney General. It’s obvious, and all you have to do is look: AG is the new AG. See? Nice and easy for, um, less than intellectually stellar presidents to remember. If he remembers the name, that’ll tell him what this funny-looking guy does. If he remembers the name of the post, that’ll help him figure out who’s doing it these days.
This might also explain some other things that have been a puzzle for years. Example: Dick Cheney hasn’t been VP because of his kick-ass diplomatic skills. Realise that would make perfect sense, but, nope. It’s cause he reminds the Malaprop-in-Chief of Vincent Price, in an Abominable Dr. Phibes sort of way. It’s a nice mnemonic: Dick Cheney, looks a bit like Dr. Phibes, played by Vincent Price, so he’s — wait, wait, he’s the Vice President! Right, Karen? Can I have a cookie now?
Expect this to continue. Stephen Dorff for Secretary of Defence — he’s young, sure, but it’s not as if the acting is going anywhere, and he’s a hell of a lot cuter than Rumsfeld. And the biggest problem facing the Bush Administration following the death of Yasser Arafat isn’t the whole ‘future of the Middle-East’ nonsense; it’s finding a replacement chairman of the Palestinian Authority who meets the most important criterion. Paul Wolfowitz is a big fan of Paul Anka (he is Lebanese and all), and believes strongly in the redemptive power of cranking up ‘Diana’ across the West Bank. Just spreading a little Sands magic across the sands.