{"id":199,"date":"2004-07-18T01:27:07","date_gmt":"2004-07-18T01:27:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blah\/?p=199"},"modified":"2011-08-06T21:27:43","modified_gmt":"2011-08-07T04:27:43","slug":"more_names_from","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/2004\/07\/more_names_from\/","title":{"rendered":"More Names from the Spam Can"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Jumpsuit G. Oversells&#8217;s hero is the great Richard Simmons \u2014 he&#8217;d at least love to be as butch as Richard \u2014 but for the moment his domain is middle-of-the-night infomercials, in which he impresses the Botox off of his co-host, Cindy Ex-Actress, while working up a sweat to KC and the Sunshine Band. He&#8217;s a real professional, though, and has the key phrases &#8216;quick and easy&#8217;, and &#8216;but the <em>best part<\/em> is&#8217;, committed to memory. He&#8217;ll get there one day, and then he&#8217;ll be able to make Richard his bitch.<\/p>\n<p>Ninetieth J. Riboflavin has done all of the talk shows, and is currently finishing what his publisher assures him will be a smash bestseller, in the spirit of The South Beach Diet. He&#8217;s planning to call it: &#8216;Live to 100 by Eating Nothing Except Corn Flakes&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p>Woodenness T. Corpuscle&#8217;s days of fame are over, and he knows that, but he can still dream nostalgically of those months on the set of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.imdb.com\/title\/tt0060397\/\">Fantastic Voyage<\/a>, and wonder wistfully whether anything would have come of his passion for Raquel Welsh if he&#8217;d not been stuck in the white blood cell costume all day long. He cherishes the signed photograph from Donald Pleasence, &#8216;To My Favourite Erythrocyte. Love, Donald.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>And Shady P. Nonrefundable is, of course, nothing but a piece of shit spammer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jumpsuit G. Oversells&#8217;s hero is the great Richard Simmons \u2014 he&#8217;d at least love to be as butch as Richard \u2014 but for the moment his domain is middle-of-the-night infomercials, in which he impresses the Botox off of his co-host, Cindy Ex-Actress, while working up a sweat to KC and the Sunshine Band. He&#8217;s a &#8230; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-199","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/199","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=199"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/199\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":499,"href":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/199\/revisions\/499"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=199"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=199"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/northgare.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=199"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}